


36 Questions

by Lia404



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Arthur Aron's research, Character Study, Fix-It, Fix-it with psychology, Hidden crossovers, M/M, Meaningful eye-to-eye, Past Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Psychology, References to Suicide, Social Links | Confidants (Persona Series), Wildcard Akechi Goro, getting lost in each other's eyes, it gets deep, personal questions, the ship is not the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia404/pseuds/Lia404
Summary: Deprived from his access to the Velvet Room despite having awakened to his powers, Goro Akechi has a lot to learn from Akira Kurusu and his ability to keep so many personas in his mind.Since it all boils down to bonds, they turn to psychology to try and work on expansion of the self.(Some say it only takes 36 questions to fall in love.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Persona 5 Protagonist, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 19
Kudos: 149
Collections: Goro Big Bang 2020, Marigolds Discord Recs





	36 Questions

**Author's Note:**

> It takes a village. This story was blessed with the participation of SO many people:  
> \- my beloved floof fam, alpha readers and enablers: [Curos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dcuros), [Tomi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomi_lang) and [Eyrist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyrist), without whom the story would have been way more boring  
> \- my amazing beta readers, [Intimatopia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intimatopia) and [Rain](https://lescontesdelapluie.wordpress.com/), without whom the story would have been a terrible mess of mistakes, confusing paragraph and misplaced linebreaks (and would probably have never been completed).  
> \- the artists who accepted to work with me, [Firidus](https://twitter.com/firidus), [Yuki](https://twitter.com/yukiangel51), and my how-has-it-been-so-much-time-already friend [Vi](https://www.instagram.com/icecreamvi/), who brought life to this story with their art and support.  
> \- and of course, all the mods who organised this [Big Bang](https://gorobigbang.carrd.co/): [Mod Maru](https://twitter.com/ruruuuundesu), [Mod Crown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeiskyte), [Mod Liza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizalilac), [Mod Chris](https://twitter.com/chrispykrem_art), [Mod Capra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunning_capra), [Mod Pen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Pen_Dragon) and [Mod Violet](https://twitter.com/violetemergency)!
> 
> This story has taken way too much of my headspace since even before P5R was released and I'm glad it's finally done. I hope you enjoy it and find headcanons we might share.

“Alright. First question. Do you want me to answer first? Or would you rather begin?”

 _What am_ **_I_ ** _doing?_

_I am…_

Goro shrank under the weight of Akira’s expectant look. The former detective gritted his teeth and tried to harness his resolve. 

“Ask the question. I’ll answer the best I can so long as you don’t comment.”

Akira nodded and looked down on the paper while Goro braced himself.

It was hard to believe he was actually going to play an ask-me-anything game with Akira Kurusu of all people. His _rival,_ whom he’d hated with a passion. Few people had managed to awaken such envy within him. 

The one who had saved his life, too, it seemed—but despite his best efforts, Goro couldn’t remember that. He kind of wished he did.

Akira Kurusu, who used to look amazingly confident as Joker, a sight to behold when he did somersaults to unmask enemies… and who was now a painfully awkward teenage boy sitting on the uncomfortable couch in Leblanc’s attic after a very weird and fruitless trip to a strange, blue, empty but creepy room in Shibuya.  
Akira Kurusu, who was barely meeting Goro’s gaze, fiddling with his own hair instead and mumbling how everything would have been easier _if they had been here_.

Goro did not understand much, but what he had the hardest time figuring out was the moment when his life had gone so wrong that he’d reached the situation he was in now.

 _Ot maybe for once something has gone_ **_right_ ** _. Ah! It figures._

Goro promptly shut the voice in his head up. He was in no mood to argue with himself, not when Akira was looking back at him and the first question of this evening of incredible nonsense was coming at him.

Why had he agreed? The whole situation made no sense, and he felt so _exposed_ . He knew what was going to happen, so why accept? Why agree to let himself get dragged along Akira’s absurd theories? For a minute he thought it would help, but at this precise moment the only question that kept running in his mind was _why did I agree_ —they hadn’t even reached the first question and he was already regretting it.

Akira’s face became solemn. He took a deep breath.

**“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”**

Goro let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding and almost laughed in relief. That was _it_? That was the question? It sounded like one of those terrible questions interviewers asked in popular shows. It was so cliche, so easy! He had lots of training for this kind of question. It was a piece of cake!

“Why, _Risette_ , of course! Her talent and beauty are unparalleled and she’s clever too! She...”

He met Akira’s eyes and his voice froze in his throat.   
Right. He was meant to answer _earnestly_ , wasn’t he? That was the _point_ of the experiment they were having after all.   
Goro frowned.

“You’ve got to be _honest_ for it to work, Goro.”

“Yes, and I thought we were meant to be _strangers_ for this experiment to work.”

“Look, it’s the easiest way we found—you know why—augh!” Akira threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Please don’t make it harder than it should be.”

“ _You_ started it. I thought we weren’t supposed to comment on each other’s answers.”

“Yeah, I won’t once you say your _actual_ answer.” Akira sounded unimpressed. Oh, but seeing the cracks in the Phantom Thieves leader’s mask was so thrilling. Goro would do that all day long if he could, if only it weren’t at his expense.   
Akira’s eyes were boring a skeptical hole into Goro’s skull, his eyes steel-cold slits as if gauging him, judging him. Goro smiled an angelic smile and Akira sighed again. Goro started to picture him as an air balloon slowly deflating. Somehow, it lifted his slightly irked mood.

“Why do you have to be so difficult, Goro? I am trying to explain how getting closer will help. I want to give you the weapons so you can expand yourself and feel more at ease with everything so that you never get used again, but you just… you’re so… you!”

Akira threw his hands in the air and ended his tirade in the most frustrated crack Goro ever heard in the leader’s voice. The former detective smirked. “Why are you inflicting this upon yourself, then, oh ever-giving leader?”

“I _told_ you!” Akira’s voice verged. “You _are_ a wild card with full powers now, and I need to help you develop your social link. Hence the experiment.”

Goro nodded. Thirty-six questions, as per Arthur Aron’s research. 

“Yes. Thirty-six questions, the fastest way to know someone. I hate this experiment.”

Akira shrugged and let his eyes drop on the paper holding the questions before giving a sharp answer. “You don’t have to like it. You just have to _answer honestly, for once_.”

Goro made a face. He knew the test—it was a long one. And _personal_. He didn’t remember the whole list of questions but he was now sure it wasn’t a good idea anymore. He didn’t want to answer them, didn’t want to feel weak in front of the other boy, even with the “no commenting on each other’s answers” rule on.

“Goro, please.”

Akira’s voice suddenly lost all its edge. His pleading gaze met Goro’s, who shuddered under the uncertainty he met in the grey eyes of his rival. He felt his carefully maintained facade break.

Right. 

This wasn’t an interview. He wasn’t the detective prince anymore. He _needed_ the help. He didn’t have to give pre-constructed answers anymore—which meant he couldn’t _rely_ on them anymore either.

Akira took a deep breath, not breaking eye contact, repeating the first question.

“ **Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?** Please, _please_ , be honest.”

Goro had to answer truthfully.

His fake smile was long gone when he reconsidered the question. He didn’t like the answers that popped in his mind at all.

His voice wasn’t so assertive at all when he answered with another question. “Suppose… suppose the person is dead? Am I allowed to...choose someone who’s dead?”

Akira visibly hesitated before answering, “It says “anyone in the world” so I think it’s someone who should be alive and able to eat. But we’re not meant to discuss or comment on the questions and answers…”

“Just for this one. Just so we’re sure.”

“Let’s agree on someone alive, then.”

Goro nodded. Someone alive, in the world, that he’d want to invite for dinner…A face came to his mind and he winced.   
Well, that was embarrassing. First question and he was already going to make a fool of himself.

“Yukari Takeba. She’s the one who brought Phoenix Ranger Featherman back to fame, she’s a fantastic Feather Pink... She’s also famous for her strong will, she doesn’t hesitate to speak up and took part in many charity events for orphans. She sounds really interesting in her interviews. Also, she’s married to Mitsuru Kirijo, and I’d love to talk to them both. Kirijo is an amazing businesswoman and I’ve heard she took part in some studies I’d like to… well. That’s it. Yukari Takeba and Mitsuru Kirijo. I hope the answer satisfies you. Your turn now.”

Akira looked at him with round eyes. What, did the fool expect him to say the name of a famous modern philosopher or anything? To hell with that. During the days he’d remained locked, he’d found that Featherman had done a whole lot more for his sanity than any Hegel quote.   
Before Akira could voice any question, Goro promptly followed: “So, who would _you_ have as a dinner guest?”

Akira nodded and closed his mouth, his face becoming thoughtful.

“It’s a bit embarrassing but… maybe Yuri Katsuki. I am… well, I used to do figure skating in my hometown. That’s where most of my moves come from. I’m sure you noticed I had some training, and it wasn’t all from the Metaverse. And, well… Yuri Katsuki was my idol when I was younger. I picked the sport because of him. He was so inspiring, you know? Now, with all the things I learnt about the moves, the technique I got thanks to the Metaverse, I feel like I would have some things to share. Also, it’s a childhood dream. So… yeah. My guest would be Katsuki-san.” 

Akira nervously laughed. “I’d have to make a ton of effort to cook the curry. Damn, my nerves would probably kill me.”

And really, it shouldn’t have been so nice, seeing Akira Kurusu with a bashful fanboy look on his face. It made Goro feel better about his pick, too. They had the childhood dream in common, and talking about childhood dreams was… rather safe. Safer than most other topics.

Goro’s deductive mind couldn’t help but notice how interesting it was that Akira had mentioned curry, too. Goro had just thought they’d go to the restaurant. Akira seemed intent on cooking. 

_Ever the perfect, selfless leader._

Goro scoffed and picked the papers in Akira’s hand. “Alright, second question… I think you should go first. It’s more balanced if we alternate who’s the first to answer.”

Akira nodded, and Goro winced at the question. Well, at least this one would be easy.

“ **Would you like to be famous? In what way?** ”

The leader of the Phantom Thieves pulled a face. “I think I’ve had enough fame for the rest of my life. Having my face and voice on display on the screens of Shibuya’s crossroads once was way enough. I don’t know how actually famous people do that. I’d rather stay in the shadows now and have a quieter life with my friends. I won’t complain if people forget about Shujin’s delinquent. Or the Phantom Thieves. Or really, just… Yeah, no. I don’t want to be famous. I just want a nice life with my friends.”

Goro nodded and tried to find a way to articulate his answer.

“I… have been famous once. Honestly, at first it was such a thrill. I was being compared with Naoto Shirogane, and Shirogane is quite the inspiration. I was finally becoming… becoming _someone_ , you know. Not the “oh no, not that boy again” of the orphanage. Not the “hey, you” of the foster houses. Detective Goro Akechi, the second coming of the Detective Prince! That was quite nice.”

Goro’s face fell. It was hard not to be bitter.

“It came with a price of course. Everything always does. I had to be the media darling. The perfect prince. The charming boy everyone wanted as a son—the irony was almost too much to bear sometimes. I hated every minute of those damned TV shows. Being recognized in the streets was nice at first, but then… then it wasn’t at all. People kept taking stolen photos. Or pestering me for autographs. Before being famous I didn’t have a name, then fame made it so I was nothing more than my name. I even had _former foster families contact me_! I… I think I went berserk on them.”

He was shaking, Goro realised, promptly opening his balled fists and wringing his hands, his head lowered. “No fame anymore for me either, I think. I’ve had my share.”

Akira silently nodded and took back the paper with the question. Goro appreciated that the other boy did so as slowly as possible, to give him time to recompose himself.

“Are you… alright with going first for the next one?”

It was infuriating how thoughtful Akira Kurusu could be. Goro gave a sharp nod.

“ **Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?** ”

Well, that was an unexpected question. Goro had never thought of it. He frowned. “I used to rehearse before Shido’s call. I had to make sure every word was perfect. It was my life at stake. The other phone calls… Not really. I just put on my charming mask and spoke with a nice voice. I never really over thought it.”

And, oh, he didn’t expect the look Akira gave him. He wasn’t ready for the glimpse of respect in the other’s eyes.

“I always rehearse. I try to avoid phone calls at all. I mostly write, have you never noticed? I just… I just don’t like the fake voices in the phone. I don’t like the awkward silence, or not being sure how to greet. I’m… terrible, really bad at phone calls. I can play cool if needed, but my heart is always racing.”

And really, it was a wonder to witness the fearful leader suddenly crumple on himself like this, as if the mere idea of a phone call was enough weight on his shoulders that he couldn’t bear it when he had already borne the weight of the world.

“Akira, do you have phone anxie…”

“We _said_ no comments on the answer.” Akira’s retort was sharp and left no room for discussion. Goro nodded—it was the terms they’d agreed on and they were meant to protect him as much as they did for Akira.

Still, he couldn’t help but marvel at that glimpse of weakness. He’d seen Akira bruised, battered. He’d seen him about to die. And yet he’d never seen him avoid someone’s eyes this way. He made a mental note to never force Akira into a phone call again.

Not that he would have a reason to, of course. That was plain silly.

He promptly picked the question sheet. They both needed to change the topic.

“ **What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?** ”

He pulled a face. Akira mirrored his expression.

“A day where no one tries to kill me or hurt me physically or psychologically, I suppose? I think my standards have been a bit lowered by this year. Honestly, just… having a nice day out with my friends, something fun with nothing to care about, that’d be nice for once…”

Goro nodded. Sometimes simplicity really was best.

“A day in a place I could consider home, without having to fear for my safety. Probably with a good book. And good coffee.”

Well, at least some of these questions were not too hard. It was weird, though, baring himself with these simple wishes to the person he’d so wanted dead only a few months earlier. He shook the awkward feeling that began spreading in his chest and gave the question sheet back to Akira.

“ **When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?** ”

Goro chuckled.

“Wow, that’s not an easy one. I don’t notice when I sing to myself. I think I do it sometimes when I’m focusing on something. Once one of my coworkers told me I was singing along to a pop song that was playing on the office radio, but I didn’t even know the song. My brain must have picked it up after it played a few times, and I was too focused… As for singing to someone else, well. It’s not like there’s a lot of people I could sing to, right?”

He tried to swallow his bitterness.

“In juvie, they got me into art-therapy. One of the sessions included singing. They said I have a nice tenor voice. Your turn.”

Akira’s face was thoughtful. “I… Uh. It’s a hard one indeed.”

He lowered his head and hummed a soft tune, low, as if pondering if the melody was right. Then he met Goro’s eyes and sang.

“Where have you been, been searching all along…”

Goro felt his heart drop. Akira’s voice was soft, velvety, just the right amount of forlorn to go with the wistful lyrics.

“...where have I been?” 

Akira took a deep breath. “There. I couldn’t find the right answer so I just… Well. Last time was just now for both. I think you might like the song. I’ll lend you the album if you want.” 

Goro nodded, a weird feeling spreading in his chest. “I… think I’d like it. Shall we move on?”   
He picked the question sheet.

**“If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”**

“Oh wow,” Akira laughed, “What even _is_ this question! How am I meant to project so far as 90? I suppose I’d pick the body, so I’m still in full health, and I’ll trust my 90-year-old self to acquire enough wisdom without becoming boring for the next 60 years.”

“That’s ambitious.”

“Yeah, well. This question is weird. I’m doing my best. What would _you_ do?”

Goro pondered, discomfort coiling within himself as the answer made itself clear in his mind. “I… We have to answer really honestly, right?”

Akira solemnly nodded. It was obvious that he was curious 

“I can’t answer, because I don’t want to reach 90. I… never really… you said it was hard to project. It’s even worse when you’re… meant to be dead. You know. I’m sorry I can’t answer this one.”

Goro wouldn’t meet Akira’s eyes. He didn’t want to see pity in it. He didn’t want to be pierced by the pensive grey eyes barely hidden by the glasses. 

Akira still reached out to him, his hand coming in his peripheral view. “It’s okay. Let’s do the next one.”

Goro handed him the paper.  
Akira let out a strained laugh.

“Well. That’s awkward. **Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?** ”

Goro sighed. "What is it with these questions and death? It’s… ugh. Okay. I can answer this one at least.”   
He took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to shape words around the whole notion of _himself dying_.

“For the longest time I thought I'd kill myself. Then I thought I might get killed by Shido. Funny to see how close to the truth I was. Couldn't have expected to be killed by the vision Shido had of myself, though."

"Yet you didn't die."

"No. I don't know how I'll die. I just know I won't die this way now. I have no secret hunch. I just don't want to think about it."

"Yeah well, that’s fair. Me I… I suppose I didn't expect I would be almost killed by a…"

Akira cast a nervous glance at Goro, whose guts twisted with apprehension. He’d been the one holding the gun. He’d witnessed the empty eyes betraying the feel of being already dead inside. He’d pulled the trigger and he’d _laughed_.

"....by a friend?"

Goro swallowed with difficulty. How could Akira see him as a _friend_ when he himself still saw Akira in dreams, a broken puppet left to drown in its own blood in an interrogation room? 

Ah, but of course Akira would. Ever forgiving Akira.

Except he wasn’t—Goro clearly remembered the way Akira had not withheld any of his moves against him when they’d fought.   
Akira had so _much_ to let out. It was a wonder he could still be so calm, and look at him in the eyes when answering. And laugh that nervous laugh the way he did right now.   
The sound derailed Goro’s train of thoughts as Akira went on.

"And I can strike the _getting-killed-by-a-god_ line, too. But…” Akira bit his teeth, his gaz falling on the floor, his voice slightly hushed.

“Every time we get into battle, I think… this could be the last one. It's easy to forget when you're inside the Metaverse. There's this rush, you know ? Like anything is possible. But sometimes it's like there's an alarm in my mind blaring "remember you could die from this." I still could. I hope I won't, but I still could.”

Goro nodded. He knew the feeling, the rush, the way every fight could be the last one. He knew it so well. “I wouldn’t have minded dying like that.”

“You almost did.”

“...I did. I didn’t mind.”

“I’m glad we managed to find you again.”

And really, what could Goro say when Akira’s words felt so genuine?

“ _Thank you_ could be a good start, you know.”

And what right did he have to read Goro’s mind now?

“I never asked you to save me.”

“Goro.”

“I…” His voice felt strangled. “...thank you. I don’t know… I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but thank you.”

“One step at a time. What happens now is you ask the next question.”

Relieved by the change of topic again, Goro grabbed the paper and winced.

“ **Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common** . Oh, that’s a quick one! We’re both high school students. We’ve both been tricked by a god. As for the third one, we’re both… wild cards?” Goro was just repeating Akira’s words here, still quite unsure himself of what a _wild card_ was precisely. 

There was a lot of tarot talk earlier, and then a trip to Shibuya to visit an empty, ugly blue prison. Akira had sworn against _Igor_ and _Lavenza_ who weren’t here to explain, whoever they were, and launched into a very nonsensical tirade about how Goro needed to have bonds with others to harness his powers.

As if Goro had anything to do with others. As if Goro needed any help to harness his powers.  
As if Goro had been able to refuse Akira anything, especially when he’d started twisting a strand of hair around his finger and explaining how to get _new masks_ , gather _new powers_ through social links.

It was way too technical, and Goro had caved in way too fast.

_Your power is like mine. You’re like me._

Goro wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

Well, if any, it allowed for an easy answer. Goro smirked and Akira glared at him, scoffing.

“It was my turn to answer! And you picked all the easy things!”

“Yes, well, deal with it. So, _Leader_ , what do you think we have in common?”

Akira pondered a minute. “We… both have a very strong feeling about justice, despite often disagreeing on the definition. We both hate Shido, albeit for different reasons. And… uh… we both like gloves?”

Goro couldn’t suppress the surprised giggle that came at that.

“You… Ahaha, do you have any idea how much I dislike wearing gloves?”

“But you always…

“Well, yeah. I don’t like gloves, but I like my hands even less. It’s much better I don’t see them.”

And well, maybe this experiment was starting to work, because they weren’t meant to discuss the answers but here Goro was, loosening up and giving away more than he thought. Maybe the most concerning part was that he actually found he didn’t really _mind_. 

He felt a little lighter inside.

“Alright, so third one, we both wear gloves, for different reasons.”

“Why do you wear gloves?”

“This is _not_ the next question. Because they look cool. It doesn’t always have to be really deep. Now hand me that paper.”

Goro complied, pondering on Akira—Joker’s—fashion sense. It did suit his flashy inner self. Joker was like these colorful butterflies, fascinating, with deadly patterns on their wings.

“Oh wow, **for what in your life do you feel most grateful?** Congrats detective, you earned yourself the right to go first on this one.”

Goro winced. _Grateful?_ Was there even one thing he could say he was thankful for in this stupid life? Even “being alive” sounded weak, like an almost-lie in his mind.

“...some time ago, I might have answered “my powers.” But not anymore. I… I am really looking for something but… I don’t...”

“You’re not grateful for anything?”

“I’m not grateful for _my life._ ”

There probably was enough distress in his voice when he blurted that out for Akira to raise concerned eyes at him. The leader put his bare hand on Goro’s gloved one. Goro tried to repress a chill and refused to meet his eyes.

Akira gave a little squeeze, then let go, but his hand hovered close still. He took a breath to answer in turn.

“I’m grateful for my friends. I would never have gone as far as I am now without them. And yes, that includes you. My friends give me strength.”

“...Is that in relation with the tarot social bond thing you were talking about?”

Akira nodded.

“I told you. Your social bonds with people allow your personas to get stronger. Each social bond is represented by an arcana, and personas are linked to arcanas. All of them are part of you.”

“So I am... one of your social bonds, then?”

“...Of course you are.”

 _He said his friends give him strength_ . _  
_ _He saw me as a friend_ even _back then._

It was hard to swallow, but curiosity won him over.

“Which… which one am I?”

“The Justice.”

And really, it was hard to repress the self-deprecating laughter that rose at this. The _Justice_. Well, he should be flattered.

“Chihaya said that it meant taking a fair decision. Facing a situation without being swayed by external temptations and choosing the just path.”

Well. That was… a lot to take in. Too much to unpack right now. Goro felt a lump in his throat.

_I am..._

“I suppose I should be grateful for you,” Goro breathed, and picked the question sheet from the place Akira had let it lay on the couch, still not meeting his eyes.

“ **If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be ?** ”

Akira let out a nervous chuckle.

“It's hard not to seem insensitive when answering this in front of you. I suppose I wish my parents were more aware of what I wanted. Or of how hard I tried. But I'm lucky, honestly.”

Goro nodded.

"Yeah well… if I could change anything, I'd want my mother alive I suppose? But also… I… I probably wouldn't want to change anything. Things are as they are and my Mom… she wasn't happy. Maybe I'd wish to be enough for her to be happy, but that's selfish. All those things… They made me who I am now, and as much as I hate it. It's here. It's me."

When Goro finally met Akira’s eyes, they were scrutinizing him. He avoided them again as the other boy spoke up.

"That's… that's very mature of you. Very selfless."

 _Selfless_ . Him?  
Wow.

The rule of “not commenting the other’s answers” had been completely forgotten, but Goro let it slide. If he were honest with himself, he'd even admit he might have needed it. Someone to acknowledge how far he'd gone despite his terrible upbringing.

“Thank you.”

And it was weird, how much easier these words came to his lips than they had only a few questions before.

“Let’s move on to the next one, shall we?”

Goro nodded and Akira picked the paper up and read.

“ **If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?** ”

They both looked at each other in disbelief, their faces mirroring the same amused smile, and then broke into laughter. The absurdity of the situation was never lost on Goro, but questions like this one really nailed how ridiculous it was all.

“Do I _really_ have to answer this one? I mean it basically already happened.”

“But you didn’t choose, did you?”

“It did answer my wish at the time. I think it counts.”

“Alright. Well. I’d say… anything that doesn’t involve an app on my phone. I’m done with these.”

“You still have the app though.”

“Yeah, and so do you. It’s the reason for this whole experiment, remember?”

Goro batted his eyelashes. “I thought the reason was to _try and get to know each other better_? I’m disappointed now.”

“Well, you should be happy, you always think people have hidden motives. Now that I'm giving you some actual motives, you're still complaining.”

Goro shrugged.

“I’m not complaining. It’s just… We’re doing this for the so-called social links, right? But it sounds like manipulation. It feels like you’re using people. I thought I was done with the whole...using people thing.”

“No, first of all, you didn’t use… Goro, you _were_ used.”

“Yes, well, that only adds to the wariness.”

“And the social link thing is... It’s not using people. It’s using the knowledge of your bonds with others to affirm your sense of self. Like…” Akira pondered for a while. “Like as I knew you, a part of you became a part of me and granted me powers?”

“That sounds horrifying.”

“That’s just social psychology, Goro!”

“Yeah, well, psychology is horrifying.” It was surprisingly easy to rile Akira up when some topics were discussed. As he started gesturing frantically, Goro pondered that there wouldn’t be a time when he wouldn’t enjoy the sight of Akira Kurusu losing his cool facade.

“Goro, you of all people should get it, you took part in the research about cognitive psience, didn't you? You at least read the report, I’m sure of that.”

“I did—and I feel like that makes me even more entitled to say **psychology is horrifying**.”

Akira’s face fell. “You’re pulling my leg, right?”

Goro smiled the most innocent smile he could muster. Akira sighed. “...You know what, we shouldn’t even be discussing it. We said no commenting on the questions or answers, and there are still many left.” 

“You’re right, onto the next one!” Goro sang out while picking the paper.

His pleasant smile fell as he read it and paled. His voice betrayed how tired he suddenly felt at the mere prospect of going through the question.

“...Do we really have to?”

“Is it that terrible? It’s the last one before the first break.”

Goro made a face and read out loud.

“ **Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.** ”

“...Ah. I see.”

“Yeah, well. You go first, Akira.”

“Wait, I just have to…” Akira took out his phone and set a four-minute timer. He then took a deep breath. “..there. Alright. Here goes nothing…”

Four minute was both a very long and a very short time.   
Just the same way seventeen years were, Goro thought, as Akira spilled out details about his life, not once averting his eyes.

He spoke of how he was born, the only child in a very demanding family, his mother angry at being stuck in a small town with no shine, his father content with how little they had but still doing his best to satisfy the mother’s expectations.   
He spoke of doing his best to get the highest grades so his mother wouldn’t yell, picking up ice skating and then giving up when the weight of competition was too heavy.   
He spoke of the fear of disappointing others, and the books he loved to read to escape and feel like he was a real part of the world, not a young boy stranded in a lifeless town, and the critical mind he’d developed when one of the girl in his schools had fallen victim to a case of bad ijime.   
He spoke of fitting in, of keeping his eyes firmly set on the ground, of bowing just the right angle to please.

He spoke, and Goro just listened as the seconds ticked by on the timer. 

There was less than a minute left when Akira reached the time of his arrest. He went on still, telling Goro about the disorientation, and the unfairness, and the freedom of the Metaverse, and the night terrors, and the blue prison they’d been too, where a scary long-nosed man had laughed at him and two young jailers had joyfully toyed with torture instruments before his very eyes.

Then the timer stopped. They both took a deep breath—Goro hadn’t even realised he was holding his.

The silence lingered. 

It was hard to swallow the frustration—Goro really wished Akira had had enough time to tell him more about his experience of the end of the year, about how he’d felt about his betrayal, and why he was doing it. But at the same time, he was strangely glad to have learnt about that boy Akira had fancied in middle school, and how he’d kept silent about it while researching, wondering, and how he’d figured things about himself.

Four minutes had been too short to learn as much as Goro would have wished, but he now found himself with a well of information about Akira Kurusu that he’d never have expected to ever obtain even while he was still an investigator.

Akira’s eyes on him became expectant. Goro swallowed. Akira picked the timer, set it to four minutes again, and looked at Goro waiting for his confirmation.  
Goro gave a sharp nod, took a deep breath, and dived into his life story.

It was hard to keep a cool head as he went on, unwanted birth and abused mother, the things he hadn’t understood about her but he understood now and wished he could forget, the schooldays during which he had to make himself as transparent as possible. He had never told anyone about this time in his life. He had never had anyone interested he could trust with it.

His voice was low when he reached the moment when he’d gone back home, only to find… He shook his head, numbly explaining when people that had told him his mother was _gone_ and he would never see her again and he had to follow them. 

He spoke about his short stay at the orphanage, and how he’d gone, foster home after foster home, the only common thread between them being the episodes of Phoenix Ranger Featherman he’d managed to catch on TV. He winced while remembering that time he’d managed to win a Featherman toy only to find it destroyed by the other kid in his foster home, and how that had made him swear off useless material possessions.

He recalled the cheap notebooks he’d written his name on so fiercely that the paper almost had torn, just so the other kids would stop stealing his belongings. He recalled the school trip to the research center, and talking to the lab scientists...

Despite being the one setting the pace of the story, Goro felt like he was drowning. The memories almost choked him. Summoning all this at once was worse than channeling your inner self, it took so much more from you, because as he spoke about something, another thing would come to mind, and he thought he’d forgotten about it but there it was, back again, ready to grip his torso and make him feel like it was crushing him.

Akira’s eyes anchored him. Not once did his eyes leave him. His hand came back to lay on his gloved fingers. The contact was warm, an intake of oxygen in the turmoil of his life story, it allowed Goro to go on—finding out who his father really was, and the rage, the sudden power, how lost he’d been and how ecstatic he’d felt. Finding out about cognitive psience, meeting Isshiki Wakaba, training with both Robin Hood and Loki, the two sides of his mental blade.

Goro was shaking when the timer stopped.  
Akira’s eyes were still on him, but he couldn’t meet them anymore.  
They remained sitting in silence again, none of them daring to break it.  
Goro’s heart felt heavy, but Akira’s hand gripping his and squeezing it somehow made the whole situation a bit lighter.

 _Please don’t say anything_.

Without looking at him, he still could feel the weight of the other’s gaze on him. Goro winced and tried to withdraw his hand when he heard Akira’s intake of air.

_Please don’t…_

Akira squeezed his hand again. “That was the twelfth question. We are due for a short break. I’m going to make some coffee. Do you want some?”

Goro nodded, his eyes still stuck on the ground, unable to express his gratitude at the lack of comment. Akira let go of his hand and rose to his feet. Goro was still lost in thoughts when Akira went down, barely paying attention to the noise that came up from Leblanc’s kitchen.

He hadn’t expected this experiment to get so hard on him. He was expecting something like an interview, only a bit longer. The kind of questions you shrug and laugh at while answering, with a cheeky smile and a glint of amusement in the eyes. He hadn’t expected the experiment to lead to so much wondering about himself. He hadn’t expected the warm look in Akira’s eyes—a far cry from the dead-inside ones that had stared at him not so long ago.

He hadn’t expected letting so much out, or wondering so much about his very existence. What was he?

 _I am_...

Lost in this attic that suddenly seemed too big, too filled with memories that weren’t _his_ and would never be, he wondered if Akira knew what _he_ was.

The paper with the questions was abandoned on the couch, but he repressed the curiosity and didn’t glance at what would come next. Idly, he wondered if Akira would keep the paper after the experiment as a souvenir of him the same way he’d kept all the nicknacks from his friends that were on his shelves.

Akira had said he was his friend.

_I am…_

“You’re overthinking, Detective.”

“I’m not a detective anymore.”

“You still look way too bothered for a teenager.”

“As if you’re one to talk.”

Akira shrugged. “There, have this. It might make you feel better.”

Goro gratefully picked up the coffee mug the other was holding out. He hadn’t even heard Akira come back.

“Should we keep going?”

 _No!!!_ said his inner voice.   
Instead, he merely sighed and held out the paper with the questions to Akira.

“If we don’t start again now, I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to start again ever. Let’s do it.”

“Goro… You know we can stop any time.”

Goro hissed between gritted teeth. “ _Go on, Akira_.”

Akira nodded, a hint of confusion and concern on his face. He lowered his eyes on the paper.

Goro lost himself in the comforting taste and smell of coffee, bracing himself for the next twelve questions.

“ **If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?** ”

“Who I am.”

He had blurted the answer out without even thinking. It’d just been on his mind a moment earlier, and there it was.

“...not that the crystal ball would be able to do much about it,” he amended.

“You…”

“The rule was no commenting on the answers, Akira. We’ve already broken it a few times.”

“You’re right. It’s just… I hope one day you get to see who you are the way I see it.”

Goro shrugged. “And you, Leader? What great question would you ask the crystal ball?”

“Nothing interesting,” Akira chuckled. “Probably what I should study in the future. I really have no idea what to do after high school.”

“That’s… not very ambitious.”

“I never once pretended I was.”

“That claim that you will take the country sounded a bit like it.”

“Yes well… We had to catch Shido’s attention, didn’t we?”

“Sure as hell worked. Point taken.”

Goro took the paper back.

“ **What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?** ”

Akira looked at him with round eyes.

“...uh.”

To Goro’s surprise, he suddenly averted his gaze and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

“Okay. It’s weird. It’s going to be awkward. I think it was… saving you.”

Goro’s eyes widened.

“I didn’t want any more death. Honestly, at first, I… I really didn’t care for bad people dying. Kamoshida’s corpse could have rotten in his castle for all I cared. But as time passed and we kept it up I just… Well. I hated them. I hated you.”

Saying this didn’t sting would surely be a lie, but Goro felt like he more than deserved it.

“But then Okumura died, and I realised that… The people dying, the good ones, the bad ones… They were still _people_ , you know? I didn’t want to kill people. Make them suffer through seeing the pain they had spread, that seemed like an appropriate punishment. No one had to die. I had made up my mind, even with the ugly month of November and all… Even when I was bruised and battered in the cell, waiting to see if this day would be my last, I… And then you raised that wall between us on the ship, and the shots, and…”

Goro’s eyes lingered on Akira’s hands, the boy’s nails clawing at the skin of his fingers. He held out his own, gloved hand and hesitantly reached out, touching Akira’s wrists. The nervous leader slowly loosened up.

“I don’t care how much I hate people. I just don’t want them to die. Ever. I am not a killer. I just want… I just want empathy. And realising it just before losing you… But then, we managed to save you. We found you, and you were so lost. I’m grateful for the Nijimas to take you in. But when I realised you were _alive_ , I… It was like I felt _whole_ again?”

Goro felt so honestly torn. On the one hand, he wanted to snap at Akira that he wasn’t his little rescue project. He wasn’t his clause of good conscience. On the other hand, Akira’s eyes were on him now, shining with so much relief and gratitude that it was hard to say anything.

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m using you as an achievement, right? Just… remember what I told you earlier. It goes both ways. The relationship. It just… somehow, you became a part of what I am. I’m happy with that.”

Goro nodded without saying anything, not trusting his voice at the moment. He gently squeezed Akira’s wrist and let go.

“What about you, Goro? You greatest achievement?”

Goro chuckled, but the mirth didn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s nothing as noble as you. I think it’s when I cracked my first case. I hadn’t even found my powers yet, but I had seen Naoto Shirogane on TV and I wanted to try and… Well, there had been petty thefts in the classroom. I found out who did it. I picked up all the clues, gathered them and slipped them with a short explanation I’d written with my wrong hand under the door of the office of the student’s council. No one ever knew it was me, but to me, it was my first case. A long time before I became a detective prince or made it to the force. I… never told anyone, but that was when I got more confident in my deductive skills.”

“What happened to the thiefs?”

“They got caught mid-act the next time they tried, the way I’d advised to catch them on the paper I slipped.”

Akira let out a small laugh.

“You _do_ have a modus operandi, don’t you?”

Goro let out a wry smile.

“...suppose so. There, it’s your turn to read the question.”

Akira nodded, and they went on with the questions.

**“Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”**

Goro sighed and tried to compose an answer in his head while pondering at the situation. It was fascinating, the way they were slowly picking up a rhythm while browsing through the questions.   
He felt it, how comfortable they were getting, as if playing a familiar duet, answering each beat with their own.

Goro would state: “Probably travel to England. Why… financial reasons, I suppose. It was my dream to go visit Baker Street when I was a teenager.”

Then Akira would react despite not being allowed to: “You’re still a teenager.” And they’d banter: “You know full well what I meant.”

Then Akira would nod and answer in turn: “Own a cat. My parents always refused.” And they’d banter more: “You have Morgana, don’t you?” “He’s his own self.” “Bold of you to assume that wouldn’t be the case for any other cat.” “...You’re probably right.”

And then they’d read the next question and go on.

To the question: **What do you value most in a friendship?** Akira answered with an assertive “Trust” and it twisted Goro’s guts, so it felt almost like a relief when Akira added “It has to be something you build with time and shared experience.” 

Goro retorted “I don’t know, I’ve never had friends,” and the pained look in Akira’s eyes said it all, so Goro added “...yet.”

They went on with questions about memories, **the most treasured one** (“When she hugged me. But it was so long ago it’s blurry. It might be a construct…” “When I managed to make my first somersault. I was thirteen and it felt like flying. My mother yelled at me for endangering myself after that, but it was the moment I proved myself I could _do it_ .”), **the most terrible one** (“The day I realised that Justice was not always just, but easily swayed.” “The day I realised she’d never smile at me again.”)

Sometimes, they took a moment to gather their thoughts. A respite between questions getting heavier and heavier, digging into topics like death and friendship, affection and love. Sometimes, their hands found each other. Sometimes they traded comforting gestures, and as questions went on, Goro felt more and more at ease.

The attic was still dusty, and filled with memories that weren’t his. But the words they were trading were building a new, massive memory. And somehow, it made Goro feel more whole than he’d ever felt. Those were just stupid questions from a scientifically debattable experiment, but the weight of Akira’s eyes, Akira’s undivided attention on him…

They made him feel like he _was_.

_I am..._

“ **Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.** You go first, Goro.”

Goro shook himself. This one was trickier than the others. “You… you have the most willpower I have seen in anyone.”

Akira didn’t miss the beat. “The way you plow through life and try to get back what’s yours is very impressive.”

Goro didn’t feel so. Goro felt like he was utterly lost in his life. But it felt nice to know that there was at least one person left who believed in him. “Your unshakeable trust used to disgust me, but it is quite amazing.”

“You’re graceful. I always admired that about you. I bet with the right training, you’d be really good at gymnastics or ice-skating.”

“I’ll stick to bouldering, thank you. You have an incredibly good conversation, if a bit scarce.”

Akira smiled. “Yeah, that’s one of the first things you ever told me, I remember. You’ve got a lot of knowledge and you don’t mind sharing it provided it doesn’t endanger you.”

“Is that positive?”

“Of course.”

“Alright. You… Hell, five is a lot. You uh. You looked at god in the eyes and shot it in the face.”

“Is _that_ positive?”

“Why do you even ask? I don’t know many who’re able to do so.”

“Fair enough.” Akira broke eye contact just enough time to figure out something, then his face lightened up and he turned back to watch Goro. “You’re quick-minded. You have an amazing sense of deduction and a fantastic reading of other people.”

Goro swallowed. His eyes stung a bit. It was getting overwhelming. “You…”  
Ah, it was the last one, but he was really coming short of ideas, and his breath was a bit short, and he could feel the weight of Akira’s expecting gaze.

“You have amazing eyes.” And then Goro gaped at his own words. “No, wait, I mean they’re… uh…”

They were the only thing that kept him sane in this game of questions and answers? They were amazingly piercing and were the anchor that bore through his soul and kept him in the very moment? They were filled with trust and affection? Goro shook himself and tried to amend. The awkwardness was too heavy, he’d lost his footing.

Akira merely chuckled. “Well, thank you Detective, yours are not bad either.”

“...did that count as the last positive characteristic?”

“Yes, that’s five. Would you rather I wax poetic about other aspects of you, or should we go on?”

Goro mumbled about moving on while casting a glance at the paper and made a face. “Oh my god, can we not?”

Akira picked the questions.

“ **How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?** Wow. That’s, uh.”

“Yeah, I know. Please, just… I mean, well. You’ve heard all about my childhood and family. I feel like there’s nothing to add.”

“I agree. Let’s move on. It’s… Oh. **How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?**

Goro just deadpanned, “Freudian psychology much?”

Akira nervously laughed. “Yeah, I’m afraid I’m not exactly the Oedipus kind of guy. My mother is cold and demanding. We have… a troubled relationship. I don’t miss her so much.”

His eyes were harder than usual, but they quickly softened when he noticed Goro’s discomfort.

“I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”

“No. No, we all have experiences. I was…” Goro sighed. “I was my mother’s little prince. I was her hero of justice. I think she was proud of me, but I can’t be too sure.”

Akira remained thoughtful.

“I wonder what’s worse between not having a mother anymore, or having a mother who doesn’t act as one.”

“It’s still not having a mother and it’s still grieving, Akira. I’ve done my grieving.”

For the first time since they started the experiment, a hint of pure sadness crossed Akira’s eyes. Goro felt his insides twinge. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. We’ve… reached the next break. We only have twelve questions left. Do you want more coffee?”

“I’m fine. I… I’ll just go to the bathroom quickly.”

Akira nodded, and Goro went down the stairs to relieve himself and freshen up. Fresh water on his face set his thoughts a bit more straight. What were they doing? He felt like both of them were losing themselves.

Leblanc at night was so strange. So quiet, even more than in daytime. Darkness gnawed at the bags of beans, and the smell of coffee felt heavier than ever, engulfing the whole room in a thick atmosphere. He gave himself some time to gather himself.  
 _(Gather himself._ Gather the pieces of himself he’d spilled to Akira question after question. Try to find back what was his and what was not and god, wasn’t that awfully confusing?)

He then took a deep breath and went back up, finding Akira laying on his bed, seemingly lost in thoughts. “Are you alright?”

Akira promptly shot up. “I am. It’s just…” He made a vague gesture between them both. “...a lot, isn’t it?”

Goro chuckled. “It really is. Are you ready to go on? We can stop if you wish.”

“Of course I am. There are only twelve questions left. Hey, do you… Do you feel anything different?”

“I feel…” Goro pondered. “...I haven’t had a great epiphany. Or any voice in my head other than mine. Or tarot cards, for that matter. But I do _feel_ something. I think I am slowly seeing what you meant by… bonds. It’s rather uncanny, but not in a too bad way I suppose?”

Akira nodded, then moved back to the couch. “Alright. Let’s see this to the end, then, but don’t forget we can stop any time if needed.” He picked up the paper and read the next questions.

“ **Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”** Oh, not common things again. Shall we alternate like we did earlier?”

“It does seem fairer. I suppose we need to say something different from what we’ve already said earlier, too”

Goro sighed. “Alright. I’ll start, then. We both have no idea what we’re doing right now.”

Akira scrutinized Goro before nodding with reluctance. “We don’t really now, do we? I keep hoping this works but I don’t know what to expect.”

Goro shrugged and Akira tilted his head on the right, visibly struggling to find something to retort. “We are both regretting a lot of things we’ve done in the past.”

Goro started. Sure, there was a _lot_ he was regretting, he didn’t need to be reminded, but...

“What could _you_ possibly regret?”

Akira’s eyes took a steely quality as he frowned.

“A lot of things. We said no commenting answers.”

“But you just…”

“Goro, your next statement.”

Akira’s sudden cold demeanour felt like a whiplash. He had started to forget the initial rules of the experiment, loosening up at the same time as his partner while they were plowing through the questions.

He expected to backtrack at a time, but he didn’t expect Akira would be backtracking before him. It was as if he was seeing a new side of him, an Akira who was able to openly show his wound and refute further examination with a freezing facade. It was a little uncanny to observe this behaviour, but then again, hadn’t he done the same many times?

Maybe they really weren’t so different after all. Maybe he was…

_I am..._

Goro shook himself and tried his best to look apologetic.

“Sorry. We are both struggling with traumatic memories.”

Akira’s eyes softened and he nodded.

“And we are both struggling to find things to say for this question.”

That they were. Goro chuckled, relieved to see Akira getting back to his usual, whimsical self.

“Alright. Last one for me, I’m going to take a leaf from your book. We are both eager to reach the 36th question.”

“...Nah. You’ll have to find another statement. This one doesn’t work.”

“You aren’t eager to complete this?”

“No. I kind of like this experiment, no matter how… straining it can be.”

Goro remained silent under the weight of Akira’s eyes on him. “Maybe… Maybe I don’t mind it so much. We are both sort of enjoying this experiment.”

Akira’s smile was almost shy, and that was yet another backlash for Goro. “That we do. We are both learning a lot of things tonight. Does that count?”

Goro nodded. “I think it will do. Shall we move onto the next question?”

“Ah, yes, just…” Akira lowered his eyes and hesitantly put a hand on Goro’s, who jumped at the sudden, unexpected gesture. 

“Earlier, I…” Akira’s eyes were avoidant and his voice was a mere whisper. “For the record… I regretted not trying to get to know you earlier and letting you die.”

“But you came back for me.”

“No… No, we managed to find you again by chance. I should have tried harder.”

“I’m here, Akira. I’m here. That’s what matters, down the line.”

“I wish you hadn’t suffered this much.”

It was hard to suppress his mirthless laugh. Surely Akira wasn’t that naive? Then Akira’s eyes rose again to meet his and Goro choked on his laugh.

Akira took his hand away.

“Sorry. I just… I wanted you to know. Maybe it was a little selfish. I’m sorry for snapping at you about this question.” Goro swallowed and tried to shrug the awkward feeling by picking up the paper with the questions again.

“Thank you for letting me know. I… Well. Let’s move on, right? **Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”** Yet again, not an easy one I sup—.” 

Akira didn’t let him finish, as if the answer was so obvious it had to be let out at once. 

“I wish I had someone with whom I could share who I really am.”

Goro shuddered under the intensity of the other’s eyes.

_Who I really am._

Everything in Akira’s posture suggested he _meant_ it. He was not trying to be smooth or subtle. Just being true.

Something twisted in Goro’s stomach. They were so different and yet so similar. And that was what this whole thing was about, wasn’t it?

Akira’s eyes didn’t leave him.

“I wish I had someone with whom I could share my need to be someone special.” Goro held Akira’s gaze, but it was getting unnerving. As he averted his eyes, Akira’s voice reached him, a low, uncertain whisper.

“You do.”

His heart clenched. He shook his head slightly, not ready to delve into the meaning of the words. “We still have ten questions to go. Maybe we can discuss it… later.”

Akira nodded, holding his look for a while, before shrugging the tension away and picking up the paper again.

“ **If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.** ”

Goro took a minute to ponder. Close friends was a strange notion. Especially applied to Akira Kurusu. The boy already considered him as a friend, he’d said, and it was still something Goro had to process, but how did he himself feel?

He wondered how it would feel, being close friends with Akira Kurusu—a relationship not tainted by the need to use the other, but just a genuine link of trust this time. What would Akira Kurusu, as a close friend, need to know?

And most importantly…“...is there even something you don't know about me?...” 

He chuckled and shook his head, not really waiting for Akira to answer, instead focusing on the meaning of the question. Close friends, close friends…

He tried to bring back memories of what being _close friends_ actually entailed. It had been a long time since he’d last considered anyone a friend. There were birthday parties… Inviting each other out? Gossiping? Would that do?

“Well, I'm still a virgin."

Akira jumped and his eyes widened, clearly not expecting this answer. 

"What the FUCK, Goro?"

Goro’s face scrunched. 

"Isn’t that how close friendship works? Having sleepovers, talking all night long about people you have a crush on and all and sharing ridiculously intimate facts?"

 _...kind of what we’re doing right now_ , his mind added, but he suppressed the thought to focus on Akira’s actually quite entertaining reaction. Shock was still saddling his face, although his eyes had got back to their regular size, and there was a faint dusting of red on his cheeks.

Wow. If only Goro had known _this_ was what was needed to get the leader so disgruntled a few months ago.

“I…am not sure about your idea of close friendship. We’ll probably have to work on it. It definitely _was_ something I didn’t know about you, although I doubt that’s so important for me to know…”

Akira let out a nervous chuckle. “Okay, I’ll just… it’s really embarrassing to say anything after that, you realise? But I suppose it would be important for you to know that… Hm.”

And really, there was something fascinating in the observation of a flustered Akira Kurusu, toying with a lock of his hair and avoiding eye contact.

Goro was familiar with his shy facade, his looks of an obnoxious boy that no one would look at twice, but this was completely new. This was genuine, and it made Goro feel weird. Like he weren’t meant to really see it—except it was directed toward him.

“...well, since we’re on the topic of embarrassing crushes and all, guess I’d like my close friends to be aware that I really like boys. And girls, too. But mostly boys.”

Goro was taken aback by the surprise he felt at the admission. Akira had hinted it earlier after all, and it was nothing new: Akira was always surrounded with beautiful, charismatic, boys, not only girls, and surely he’d had a go at a relationship or twelve during his stay in Tokyo. It was not so much the meaning of the words that surprised him than it was the way Akira addressed them. The glorious leader had a bashful look on his face, his eyes still avoiding Goro’s. And his words. _My close friends_...

The former detective only had himself to blame for the situation, he guessed, considering his own answer, but he didn’t feel as rewarded by Akira’s reaction at his answer as he did the moment he blurted out his own unexperience.

“Let’s just… Move on to the next question, right?” 

At least it couldn’t get more awkward than this one, could it? Goro shakily nodded and grabbed the paper, eager to switch topics.

“ **Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.** Haven’t we already done this?”

“The way the question is written, it seems like it has to be something deeper than the five statements from before. Remember the experiment is initially meant for people who never knew each other; we cheated a bit since we’ve been knowing each other for a few months.”

“So basically we have to say something we wouldn’t have said a few questions ago. Alright. As if we hadn’t struggled enough with the previous question… Well, you start then.”

Akira nodded and locked eyes with Goro. The former detective gulped, apprehending what the leader was about to say. There was a way too serious look on the other’s face for his comfort.

“I like how bluntly honest you finally are, how your eyes have this genuine look and not some kind of interviewed Detective Prince’s bullshit.”

It shouldn’t have shaken him so much, but the admission, coupled with Akira’s intense gaze, threw him a few questions back, when his stomach had churned and he’d avoided the other’s look.

The silence was pregnant. Goro wasn’t sure how to deal with it. On the one hand, having someone _see_ him was thrilling. On the other hand, it was terrifying. He gulped.

“I like how you finally let go, too. It’s nice to hear you speak so much, and swear with it. I always took you for the shy and polite kind, but you have quite a mouth. It’s nice to see how you can be.”

The moment the words left his mouth, he realised how true they rang. Akira was right: he was being more genuine. But he was also… He was also _seeing_ Akira.

That was unsettling. He barely noticed when Akira snatched the paper back and asked the next question.

“ **What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?** You can't ask me that, I'm literally Joker!”

Goro chuckled along, but promptly schooled his face back into a serious one.

“Honestly? Nothing. Absolutely nothing so long as it’s respectful of the people before you. It’s important to respect other people’s boundaries, and not to bury yourself into self-deprecating humor. This set aside, being a joker is a good coping mechanism.”

It was hard not to notice the blatant smirk on Akira’s face—Joker’s face. “Is that a confession?”

Before he could catch them back, Goro’s words slipped off: “More like a concern.”

Akira’s face fell. To be honest, even Goro was disconcerted at his own answer to the light-hearted banter. The other boy sighed. “Well, I kind of share the feeling on that joking topic. But… this applies to you too, you’re aware?”

Goro uncomfortably nodded and, grabbing the paper, braced himself for the next question.  
Oh, no.

“ **When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?** ”

Akira’s answer was almost immediate.

"When you died, and when I went all around the city thinking you'd died. I cried in front of a shop in a crowded street, and then cried myself to sleep."

To think Goro felt uncomfortable a moment ago. This was worse. Akira had _cried_ over him, as if he’d been worth anything, as if… he’d already… if he was…

_I am..._

Goro steeled his nerves. “After… after learning of Wakaba’s... death, I cried in front of Shido. I couldn’t help it, the shock of... But he backhanded me and told me it was the path I had chosen. I haven’t cried in front of anyone since.”

“And by yourself?”

He gritted his teeth. This one was even harder, but he supposed that having gone so far, there was no point lying, right?

“It was the…”

His words were choked and his voice was failing him, getting out like a muffled whisper.

“...it was the day I pulled the trigger on you. I was exhilarated when I got out of the cell, and then… I don’t know. I don’t know what overcame me, but I just went home and I… I had never felt so sick since Wakaba’s death. I cried my eyes out.”

He shook himself and tried to recover some balance in his voice.

“This time, I cried tears of sadness. There were also tears of rage when I realised you’d played me. I wanted to make you pay for the spilt tears.”

Akira let out a dark snort. “Guess we’re even in terms of spilt tears, now, then.”

Goro sighed and eyed the questions, desperate to change topics again, the odd feeling of kinship with Akira only making him more and more queasy. 

It was a relief to see they’d reached the last page of questions. They were almost done. Goro felt torn at this realisation. He was content that the interrogation would be soon over. All the conversation had been morally taxing. And yet, at the same time, he’d never expected being able to have this kind of conversation with Akira.

They fell back into an easy rhythm of question and answer. Despite Goro’s discomfort at baring himself, the mere act of striking a real, deep, meaningful conversation with Akira Kurusu was thrilling.

The next questions swooshed by them faster than he expected. 

When Akira asked “ **Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life,** ” Goro told about that time in the office when his co-workers had “spiked” his coffee and he hadn’t noticed until too late because he was a little sick and his sense of smell and taste were impaired. He had spent the whole morning wondering why everyone was snickering, until he realised they’d replaced sugar with salt, and in hindsight, it did make sense that his coffee had felt a bit spikier. 

Akira, in turn, talked about his first class when his teacher threw him a piece of chalk straight into his head because he was looking at the window instead of the blackboard. (“I became a master dodger, now, though!”)

Then they reached “ **Tell your partner something that you like about them already,** ” and honestly they’d already done it twice, couldn’t they just… but Akira said “I like that you listen to me,” and Goro’s insides did this weird fluttery thing again and he answered in turn “I like that you see me,” and they shared an awkward but genuine smile before promptly going on to “ **If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?** ”

Goro scoffed at this one, because clearly there weren’t many people he’d want to contact. But Akira looked hurt at these words and it was like a lock opened in his heart when he sighed and said, “I’d tell the Phantom Thieves working with them was the closest thing I ever felt to having friends and I’d thank them.” 

Akira nodded before retorting “I’d probably say thank you to all my team too, because they made me feel like I belonged for the first time in forever. And by “all my team,” that means you too. Thank you.”

And before Goro could delve too much on the meaning of it, his heart almost in his throat, he escaped by asking the next question, which was a fairly easy one at least.

When he read “ **Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?** ” Akira explained how he’d probably rush to get his journal, because the memories written down in it, and the pictures he’d stuck to accompany it, were the proof of the place he belonged in. 

Goro didn’t even know Akira kept a journal. 

When Akira told him “You’re in here, too. That means a lot,” it indeed meant way much more than he was able to process, so he blurted out something about rushing back to get his mother’s locket he had always managed to hide, from orphanages to foster homes, always managed to keep hidden in a box that looked like a book. It was his most prized possession.

Akira nodded in understanding and turned to the last before one question.

“ **Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?** ”

Really, he should have tried to, but Goro couldn’t repress his snort at the horribly timed question. “After what I just said, do I even _have_ to answer this qu...”

“Futaba.”

This stopped Goro’s laughing answer at once. Akira’s eyes were stern, his voice firm. “Wait, what about your…”

“Futaba.”

And really, there was no discussing it, not when Akira’s eyes had this steely quality again.  
Goro shook himself, thinking of how the red-haired gremlin, of her terrible jokes, of how sudden her acceptance for him in the team had been, especially knowing he was Wakaba’s… He was…

_I am…_

Akira’s eyes anchored him, because they were still trailing on him, weighing his reaction. Goro remembered that Akira had been the first to know the horrors he’d done and yet to welcome him back. 

Goro couldn’t remember how they’d manage, but he remembered the feel of his hand on his arm when he’d woken up, and the way his eyes shined with relief, mirroring Futaba’s as she was monitoring his health in the safe room.

He took a deep breath. “...okay. You realise she probably has your attic bugged, don’t you? I bet she didn’t miss a word of this small heart-to-heart.”

Akira shrugged. “Nah. I asked her not to do it. She’s snoopy, but she can respect it when I am confident enough to tell her you won’t throttle me over thirty-six questions. Speaking about… We’re at the thirty-sixth.” 

“Finally.”

Akira snorted. “You sound like we’ve been pulling teeth instead of asking each other simple questions.”

“Yeah, well, not all of them were so simple. And that last one is quite a thing too… **Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.** I’m glad you’re going first with this.”

Akira made a face.

“A personal problem, uh? And it seems like this time you’re allowed to comment.”

“Not that we haven’t been doing it for the latest questions.”

“Yeah, well, this time it’s for real. You can chime in, call me an idiot if you want. I have a problem in that I am not sure who I am anymore. I can welcome so many masks I don’t even know what my real face looks like. When we’re in the Metaverse and I look at Joker’s face, I keep wondering _Is this really me_ , because how can I be so cool, so free? Deep down I’m aware I should be sure it _is_ me, but I can’t be so sure. There are so many things in my heart, and I don’t know how to sort what’s _mine_ and what comes from the outside.”

Goro stayed silent. Never in his short time knowing Akira Kurusu would he have expected the boy to spill something so personal.

“But isn’t that the point of this social experiment after all, _Leader_ ? You can be Akira Kurusu, you can be Joker, you can be any persona you welcome, they’re all _parts of you_ . It’s the sum of your experiences, your friendships, the tiny quirks you inadvertently stole from your friends’ way of speaking or moving… All of these make you _you_ I suppose. You definitely are the cool Joker from the Metaverse just the same as you are Akira Kurusu, the attic trash.”

His words carried no bite and Akira just eyed him thoughtfully, not adding anything, just nodding. It was almost solemn. Goro felt something move within him again.

“What about you, Detective, your personal problem?”

Goro winced. “I’m not a detective anymore, Akira. And, actually… It’s part of the problem. You may have too many masks, but I don’t have any left. I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be Shido’s pawn. I used to be the weak orphan. I used to be the wielder of amazingly powerful personas. I used to be a media darling. Now I’m just… an anonymous person on the outside as well as within my heart. I don’t know what I am. Everytime I try to reach within myself, everytime I feel like I’m grasping something, it flies away. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know who I am.”

“And that’s the point of the social bonds and the experiment, too. It seems like we don’t have so much advice to share, Goro, when we’re both already walking together toward a solution."

And again, as Akira’s eyes met his again, the questions raced a million in a second. 

_Am I really what you see?  
_ _Am I really going to become a part of you?  
_ _Am I really going to welcome a part of you?  
_ _What am I, really?  
_ _Am I what Shido thought? Has my history defined me?  
_ _What am I?_

_I am… I am..._

His train of thoughts was derailed by Akira sighing a long sigh, putting away the paper with the questions and getting his phone out again instead.

“Four minutes.”

Goro dreaded what was going to happen now.

He’d known all along how the experiment ended, but he hadn’t expected them to complete the questions.

He figured they’d stop halfway, and yet there they were. It wasn’t too late to put a halt to everything. Akira had always told him he could ask for it anytime. And yet, Goro found himself nodding.

“...four minutes. Okay.”

The next four minutes would be spent watching each other, eye to eye, in silence.  
Goro braced himself.

The questions were nothing. When Akira’s eyes locked with his and the timer was set, he knew he was lost.

Four minutes could be a short time, not enough for someone to tell you their whole life story.  
Four minutes could feel like an eternity when they were spent watching the eyes of a stranger. Except Akira wasn’t a stranger anymore.

They had shared so much. The banter, the battle, the questions. The amiable rivalship, the hateful rivalship. The kinship.

As seconds ticked by, Goro’s scarlet eyes lost in Akira’s grey ones, the former detective pondered at how long his eyelashes were, and how his face, which should have been perfect, was still marked with lack of sleep and even, somewhere beneath his messy hair, the remnants of ungrateful teenage years on his skin. 

Despite trading so many glances, he’d never noticed how Akira’s eyes were actually not fully grey, but actually alternating between dark, stormy grey and steely blue with a hint of silver here and there. 

His eyes burnt with the image of Akira’s face, the image of himself reflected in Akira’s eyes, and after a very quick check, just short enough not to fully break eye contact, he noted it had only been two minutes and wondered how he would manage to hold this for two more minutes.

He felt like he knew Akira’s appearance by heart now. He felt like the stormy emotions going through Akira’s eyes had become his.

Tick. One second, Akira was a fascinating acquaintance.

Tick. Another second, Akira was a formidable rival.

Tick. Akira was a fascinating, frustrating riddle.

Tick. Akira was someone who considered him a friend.

Tick. Akira was someone he ended up caring about and it hurt.

Tick. Akira was someone he ended up killing and it hurt.

Tick. Akira was someone who trusted him.

Tick. Akira was someone he trusted.

Tick. Akira was someone like him.

Tick. Akira was someone who liked him.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Tick. Akira was someone he liked. Tick.

Each second ticking felt like the sound of breaking links in a strong chain that was enclosing his heart. Tick, click, tick, click, tick, Goro gasped, his breath rate and heartbeat increasing, faster and faster and faster. 

It was hard to focus, his sight blurry on the edge, only focused on two big pools of grey that seemed to widen as seconds went by, but they were losing focus too, and really, four minutes, two hundred and forty seconds, it was so long.

[ ](https://twitter.com/yukiangel51)

Akira’s eyes were the only thing he could see now, as if they were growing, pulling him in, and he was so close to falling, letting himself fall free into the whirlpool of emotions he could feel within him and see mirrored in the other’s gaze.

[ ](https://twitter.com/firidus)

Goro felt like his heart was about to explode, his eyes were stinging, he didn’t even think anymore, he just focused on the painful and fascinating sensation, just waiting for the seconds to go, go, for this to stop, because he was pretty sure now that it wasn’t his heartbeat he was feeling anymore, it was Akira’s, and it felt so weird, and Akira’s eyes were becoming a nice tint of red, and surely his own eyes were taking a steely quality, and…

The timer stopped. They both blinked and let out a long, deep sigh of relief.

It was hard to find his footing again, Goro realised, as his whole body was shaking. He kept his eyes closed a little longer.

When he opened them again, he almost drowned in Akira’s pensive look, not blurry anymore, but well focused again. The light he met in these eyes sparked something within him, and before he could even realise what was happening, a soft voice filled his mind, echoing within every inch of his body.

“ _I am thou, thou art I…_ ”

When Goro got possession of his body back, his eyes searched Akira’s again, lost.

“Wings of rebellion?”

Akira’s interest spiked and he suddenly looked like a child at Christmas time.

“You heard it? You heard it too! It worked! Tell me, tell me, which arcana am I?”

Goro felt unsettled. The voice in his head had sounded so solemn, almost ominous, but also so warm, verging on kindness, and yet, what it had announced...

_With the birth of..._

“...you’re the Death arcana.”

Akira looked struck by the revelation, but quickly recovered. “Chihaya says Death can be a really good arcana, actually. It means closing the door of the past and opening a new door. It’s about endings and new beginnings.” Akira’s pensive frown quickly turned into a smile addressed to Goro.

Goro’s stomach felt fluttery again. Akira excitedly went on: “It worked! And it’s rather fitting, especially considering our path. But…”

Akira sagged a bit back on the couch, looking suddenly exhausted.

“...hell, if this is what it takes to unlock a new bond, I can’t fathom what ranking it up will be…”

“Wait, there are _ranks_? Wouldn’t have it been good to let me know earlier? You mean all of this only was for the _first rank_?”

Akira sighed a long suffering sigh, all signs of excitement forgotten.

“Yeah. Ten ranks. Ten times unveiling the wings of rebellion and being touched by winds of blessing…”

Goro’s shoulders drooped, then tensed in an anger he had a hard time qualifying. Baring so much, only for that? He was past the point of frustration.

“Yeah yeah, and weird speech about unbreakable vow and infinite power. Fantastic. Listen, this has been quite an eye-opening experiment but…”

Akira suddenly perked up again, not letting him complete his sentence. “What did you say?”

“I said I’m not doing this again no matter how surprisingly pleasant it turned out to be.”

“No, I mean, the part of the unbreakable vow.”

“Ah. The… voice said it granted me infinite power?”

Akira’s beaming face could have blinded him.

“Goro… I think… You didn’t… I mean didn’t you hear…”

Akira grabbed his arms.

“Didn’t you sometimes hear a voice saying ‘I am thou, thou art I’ while we were talking? And did the voice speak about the ultimate secret?”

Goro winced and reflected on it. That did sound familiar. He was sure the ultimate secret had been mentioned. Now, for the rest, he was...

 _I am_ …

“Goro! I think we unlocked all the ranks at once. Try picturing Alice in your mind?”

“Alice? What do you mean? Who’s Alice? Like, Alice in Wond…”

Goro didn’t have time to complete his sentence. He _felt_ it in his heart, the eerie laughter of a little girl asking _will you die for me_?

[ ](https://instagram.com/icecreamvi)

His eyes widened.

“How? Why? How is it… How is she…”

Akira’s beaming smile didn’t falter, and Goro couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

Thirty-six questions and four minutes earlier, he’d been ready to put on his best facade and grit his teeth through the experiment. Now, he had dropped any possible facade, just baring himself to the eyes of Akira Kurusu… And surprisingly so, Akira had done the same, letting go of his leader mask, showing him who he was and how he felt in the most earnest way.

Warmth spread through his body.

“Goro Akechi, you’re an amazing person. I am glad to be able to be a part of your rebirth. I hope you get to know Alice better. I hope she accompanies you on your new path. I hope you get to know me more and more.”

Goro gulped, took a breath, tried to explain how he felt, but his voice faltered. Akira squeezed his hand in encouragement and he only managed to croak:

“I am... glad too.”

And honestly, even after all this, it was frustrating that he wasn’t able to say more. Like the way Akira’s eyes were an anchor in his life, or the way he didn’t want to let go of his hands.  
With the way Akira was looking, he was pretty sure the other boy felt the same way.

 _A blood oath_ …

Goro felt warm, so warm. His mind swam with all the things he had to process, and his heart was racing with the knowledge that it was here, a part of Akira, within himself, an _unbreakable vow_. And that Akira had it too.

For him.

He squeezed Akira’s hand back. It was enough for now, but he felt it inside him—the warm, comforting feeling of ease, so alien in his life as an outcast.

Before he could brace himself, Akira pulled him into a tight hug.

Goro drowned himself into the sound of the common rhythm of their heartbeats echoing the same vow again, and again, and again,

 _I am thou, thou art I_.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're curious about the 36 questions, I've been wanting to write about them since I read about Arthur Aron's experiment in 2015 through [this very sweet article in the New York Time](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html).
> 
> And if, like me, you are a nerd who enjoys scholar papers, this is the actual research written by Aron: [The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure And Some Preliminary Findings](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003).
> 
> And again, **a MASSIVE THANK YOU** to everyone who helped me in writing my own take on the Experimental Generation of Goro and Akira's Interpersonal Closeness. It was a challenge, and one I'm happy to finally share with you.  
> Thank you for reading!


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